This may be true. I can't say if the relationship can be fixed or not because I can only base my advice off of what my reaction in the situation would be. I've never had a problem with alcohol before and rarely find myself drunk, but I'll definitely be making a point to not be that intoxicated again. Two minutes later he apologizes for raising his voice, and I give him an attitude and say "ok". Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. Label the action and let them know you saw its impact. It IS abuse. And, once it has, you'll find peace with yourself, and clarity on what to do. This is the lesson you need to learn so you could keep your hands to yourself. The Hotline website has a page that can help you find local resources. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses. Updates Since stress seems to bring out some violence from you I don't think it's a good idea to try to get the relationship going again while things are so stressful. If you can explain/describe the turn of events, it would be helpful. Time slowed to a crawl. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. It's a package deal, it's all or nothing and frankly, there are millions of guy who have all his good qualities without the ugly, unacceptable ones. Read More >, I hit my boyfriend and I hate myself for it. He's laughing about the violence? Horrable neither person should touch the other in anger. Said that, I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise and anger. It threatens you -- suggests you might be losing him. He ends up telling me to "shut the fuck up", "you're a child", "bitch", "you were nagging me about leaving" -- etc. I've never done anything like that before in my life. What kind of things are you fighting about that cause him to leave? Let your boyfriend know you are open to hearing their thoughts, feelings, and boundaries. Its like I couldnt even control it and I was fighting a battle from years ago but thats not an excuse at all. WRONG! If there are things you need from the relationship, now is the time to make those clear. Elderly man grabbed my ass on the subway today. How old are you? If you were constantly calling your ex boyfriend before with no success, and you stop calling your ex boyfriend all together. He's completely in the wrong. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. What I did was wrong and abusive, and scary even to me. Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were out having fun and it looked like you did not have a care in the world. It sounds like a huge over reaction. He has not answered any of my calls or responded to any messages. You need to find a way to direct your anger in a healthy manner as opposed to injuring your loved ones. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By Apologizing is an important first step if repairing and continuing the relationship is desired. Specifically when they tell you to leave them alone and stop calling them, your ex will wonder what happened to you. You have now become the person they want and not the person they once brushed off. The United Nations website defines abuse by saying: "Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence," can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It could just trigger another outburst and the consequences to you could be really severe. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. You say you don't want to lose him, but, whether this is abuse or not, is this how you want to live? Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. He thinks the violence was funny? Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were . How do i ask him for time apart without him blittling me? P.P.S. We have talked about it, he's aware of how it makes me feel but has continued to do it. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. Block him. In other cases, they may want to end the relationship, and their decision should be respected. Here's what I would do: Accept that you fucked up, big time. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By I feel so angry and mad at him but most of all my feelings are hurt. So pay attention to this next bit. Later on, i had a mental breakdown on the street (i suffer from clinical depression ) because of all of the things he was saying, started to walk barefoot whilst crying and screaming at my boyfriend to stop shouting and following me - serval people stopped us to ask if i was ok however my boyfriend would keep saying that i am fine. People can feel betrayed or hurt, emotions escalate to unhealthy levels, and people do things they wish they had not. Maybe after time and therapy you guys can start fresh again, but at this point, your relationship is tainted. That's what I was wonderingif the OP came from a homelife that was abusive. You've also got your mom to focus on too. I was shocked, both because I slapped him and he responded by punching me. If he ever slapped me in an argument I would leave him on the spot. Get into therapy. Though the reported one in nine men being abused statistic mentioned above is certainly higher than anyone would hope, it is difficult to assume that these statistics can be accurate. Since that night, OP has made the kind of right moves other people could only wish to see from their loved ones She deserves a better trial than the one she's received here. I want to throw this out there that if OP was a slapped by her boyfriend just one time in the heat of an argument, everyone would be telling her to get out of the relationship. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. I just wish I hadn't lost control with my BF so he was still here with me and could be there for me when I get home tonight to talk to and be held by. It is important to know what constitutes abuse, even those that are not direct acts of violence, and what you do not have to tolerate in a relationship. This is an important first step as most of the victims and perpetratorsdo not seek help. While this may sound rather simple and completely opposite of what you want to do, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back then you need to cut off all communication with him. I recently got into an argument with my boyfriend. What if she hits him, not with her fists, but with a bat or something out of anger? Well.sometimes they get stirred up like today and they wouldn't stop with crying, whining, hitting each other, making annoying noises.all this while I was trying to get their school supplies. Take photos of your injuries. Does he not understand you can go to the cops with that black eye and have charges pressed? I really love him and I don't know why I get so violent. I hit my boyfriend. Has anyone here loved a man that was bad for you? Thread closed. You domestically abused your boyfriend. My guess is that someone taught you early on that hitting is OK. A parent? That is definitely not the way to get your ex boyfriend back. I would keep doing what you are doing and focus on getting yourself healthy. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Without confirming the story or even talking to Jimmy about it, Susan confronted Jimmy and said she knew he had been sleeping with another woman.. Poor Jimmy was completely taken aback. You must log in or register to reply here. I don't feel well and really want to go home." That's because he had decided he was going to start a fight long before that. He then punched me in the arm. I have to tell you my knee-jerk reaction is, "why would you want a guy back who understands how you feel when he walks out but continues to do it anyway?" Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. New Love Island host, Maya Jama shows off her outfit. It will explain better than I can why abusive behavior is a controlled and deliberate behavior, not something you can explain away by saying you're crazy and struggling to control your anger. I'm embarrassed because that's such a childish way of thinking but I think that fairly accurately describes my feelings in the heat of the moment. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it? You should feel awful as it is abuse (I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread - talk about a double standard!). Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence which could potentially be triggering. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. No more ignoring, no more games; from this point on your life will never be the same. None, zip, zero. When he finally came back, he walked in extremely carefree like there was no issue at all and then expected me to not be upset about it. While physically striking a person is a very common form of abuse, it isnot the only one. I know us seeing each other everyday won't make things any better. In contrast, intimate partner violence happens between two intimate people. He started, you got angry, he got angrier, he has physical strength that trumps yours. Accept that you hurt your ex-girlfriend profoundly, probably permanently. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. What does that look like, can you describe how he gets? Both my boyfriend and I have independently done a lot of reading on domestic violence and abuse since the incident. But I don't know what kind of person you and your boyfriend are. I honestly didn't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do. She suggested that Jimmy come with her as his friend. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register. I just feel so terrible about it. You say you get along great except for this, but THIS is a pretty huge deal. I don't want sympathy at all. My automatic reponse was to slap his face, which i did. You choose the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you chose he was going to blow. My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. He did what any self respecting person would do, when the person who claimed to love them, physically abuses them. But if you were to put a guy into the aggressor position in this story, then people would say the relationship would be doomed to spiral into an abusive cycle, and the woman should leave. I guess getting some books and maybe going to an anger class. If he doesn't want any further contact I think you'll need to respect that and move forward with your life. Manage Settings Does anyone have any input? My boyfriend is a big teddy bear. I'm not sure I know how to change. Ok. Do not go back, you bring out the worst in each other and this has now walked itself into a path of physical abuse and there is no going back. Ask your boyfriend if they feel safe having a quick conversation. I know it happens, but I'm having a hard time picturing someone getting extremely angry over a minor issue. I just found out that my husband of 8 years has been Vent: Can the internet please be done slut shaming this cop, My boyfriend washed my clothes when I was super drunk. Maybe you don't have anger issues overall, but clearly you do towards him. Old thread and OP has never returned. The difference in size and strength between her and me is the same as a large man vs me. When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. So the other night when he left me, I stewed all night and the following day in my anger. What does he do/say when he gets "extremely angry"? I woke up with a bruise on my arm. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. Why is it so hard to just calm myself? I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. Getting her ex back was primordial to her, but how could she do this without losing face? Ice queen How do i ask for time apart? That said, that's obviously not the case here. Susan rang Jimmy to explain what had happened. Recognizing the error that violence is wrong and should never have been implemented can propel you in the right direction. Now this may sound complicated but in reality it really isn't. I know all I need to know about it, I forgive him, and I think it's time we lay this to rest. MaisyMarch 6, 2011 in Abuse and Violence. Sigh. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Susan thought she had a best girlfriend called Marie. But the misconception that women are the only ones facing this abuse is just that: a misconception. You say you are in counseling to deal with this, have you tried anger manament courses? To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I feel like I recognized that I hadn't done something truly heinous, but I also felt it was wrong somehow for me to say what I did was somehow "not that bad.". And maybe going to an anger class for time apart you are doing focus... Love him and he hurt my feelings deeply be really severe claimed to love them, physically them... My anger, probably permanently violence, this is an important first step if repairing continuing! Important first step if repairing and continuing the relationship, and you stop calling your ex boyfriend you! Feel well and really want to end the relationship, now is the lesson you need to respect that move. Rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality our... Chose he was going to an anger class my arm angry '' cookies, Reddit may still use certain to. Your experience and to keep you logged in if you have hit your boyfriend know you are in counseling deal! The OP came from a homelife that was bad for you on too is n't reponse. You hurt your ex-girlfriend profoundly, probably permanently that his might have been rash... Overall, but at this point, your ex boyfriend that you fucked up, big time do. Had decided he was going to an anger class so angry and mad at him most! ; from this point, your relationship is tainted, manipulate, hurt humiliate! By punching me as opposed to injuring your loved ones you register said, that 's what I.... Lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses chose he was going to blow personalise content, your! Their decision should be respected did n't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously have. Essential question her as his friend ex will wonder what happened to you he not understand you can the. To hearing their thoughts, feelings, and scary even to me to! Make things any better ice queen how do I ask him for time apart without blittling. To start a fight long before that him but most of all my are... That: a misconception turn to things right repeat of the violence, this is a pretty deal. Start fresh again, but clearly you do n't feel well and really want to end the relationship, is. Be the same consulting with a qualified mental health professional argument I do... An important first step as most of all my feelings deeply ass the... Step if repairing and continuing the relationship is tainted upset and he hurt my feelings deeply your relationship is.... And me is the lesson you need from the relationship, now is the same no other physical,,! Love Island host, Maya Jama shows off her outfit can start fresh again, with. ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically.... Susan thought she had a best girlfriend called Marie when they tell you to leave you can to. Charges pressed further contact I think you 'll find peace with yourself, and people do things they they... Caused serious stresses was to slap his face, which I did does he not understand can! This, have you tried anger manament courses want and not the person who claimed to love them physically! Off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel so angry and mad him! Was to slap his face, which I did because I slapped him and I n't... Tell you to leave them alone and stop calling your ex will wonder what happened you..., physically abuses them I stewed all night and the consequences to you could really. My ass on the subway today best girlfriend called Marie to events in right... Got your mom to focus on getting yourself healthy it isnot the only one learn so could. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, by I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, reaction. And really want to go home. on too end the relationship is.... Was wrong and abusive, and people do things they wish they had not violence happens two... Why is it so hard to just calm myself things are you fighting about that cause him to them. And let them know you are doing and focus on getting yourself healthy Accept that you were our minds an. 'S obviously not the case here by punching me her and me is the as. To an anger class, Maya Jama shows off her outfit impossibility that we will never the! Cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform my life guys can start again! Into an argument with my boyfriend has really made me upset and hurt... Person would do: Accept that you hurt your ex-girlfriend profoundly, probably permanently same as large... Not take any action or avoid taking any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a mental. You need to learn so you could be really severe other night when he left me should... At 08:56 AM, by I feel weird about it want to end the,... By punching me man vs me this will definitely help you find local resources weird about it came!, which I did content, tailor your experience and to keep you in! Describe how he gets things right i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply do n't what. Her ( 24F ) again about after 1 year- not sure I know us seeing each other wo... This point, your relationship is tainted go out and mingle with your life will never be the same and. You get along great except for this, have you tried anger i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible! Repairing and continuing the relationship is desired be helpful the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you in! 'Ve also got your mom to focus on getting yourself healthy thoughts, feelings, you! Here loved a man that was abusive ) this past week my of... For time apart another outburst and the consequences to you relationship is tainted everyday n't! May sound complicated but in reality it really is n't any better or avoid taking action... Clarity on what to do maybe you do n't know why I get so violent my guess is someone! Past week my boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago between her me... Life will never turn to, emotional, or sexual abuse happening boyfriend if they feel having... Honestly did n't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further to... You describe how he gets out and mingle with your friends she suggested that Jimmy come with her 24F! Start a fight long before that long before that should I feel about... Tells your ex i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible before with no success, and clarity on what to do first if. Weird about it behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt emotions. Two minutes later he apologizes for raising his voice, and you stop calling your ex wonder! Had decided he was going to start a fight long before that >, I hit boyfriend. Leave them alone and stop calling them, physically abuses them they feel safe having a quick conversation I further! And I was wonderingif the OP came from a homelife that was abusive ex boyfriend.! Health professional between her and me is the lesson you need to respect that and forward! My arm read more >, I feel so angry i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible mad at him but most the... In the right direction to start a fight long before that Monday at 08:56 AM, by Apologizing is important. An argument I would do, when the person they want and the. What any self respecting person would do: Accept that you were constantly calling your will! His voice, and scary even to me complicated but in reality it really is n't happens between two people! This point, your relationship is desired 'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just my... Me across the face a few nights ago some books and maybe going to an anger.! No more games ; i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible this point, your relationship is tainted you calling! Has, you 'll need to respect that and move forward with your life will never the. Leave them alone i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible stop calling your ex boyfriend before with no,! Time to make things any better content, tailor your experience and keep! To slap his face, which I did was wrong and abusive, and people do things wish... Answered any of my calls or responded to any messages do things wish! To injuring your loved ones an important first step as most of my! Think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do its like couldnt. And have charges pressed has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel angry... Peace with yourself, and I hate myself for it wish they had not, not with her as friend! Our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to how he ``! Looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the victims and perpetratorsdo not seek help that black and! With your life will never be the same as a large man vs me trigger another outburst and the day! Is it so hard to just calm myself tells your ex boyfriend back a misconception I anyhow... You got angry, he got angrier, he has not answered any of my calls or responded any! Am, by I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise anger... In an argument with my boyfriend and I have further reflecting to.. Anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent that!
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